


How Many Dicks Would Dick Suck If Dick Did Suck Dick?

by turnonmyheels



Category: Veronica Mars - Fandom
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-30
Updated: 2010-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-13 11:16:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/136767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnonmyheels/pseuds/turnonmyheels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the 2006 <i>Cuff 'Em, Vamp 'Em, or Just Make 'Em Come Already Kink and Cliché Multi-Fandom Challenge</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	How Many Dicks Would Dick Suck If Dick Did Suck Dick?

“Damn it, Dick, I said stop!” Madison yells twisting to the side and pressing her knee against Dick’s … dick. “How many times do I have to tell you, you can **not** fuck me without a condom?”

Unconcerned with Madison’s shouts or knee, Dick grabs her by the hips and flips her onto her stomach. “Logan fucks Lilly without a condom.” He says pushing in with a sigh.

“Stop it!” Madison shrieks squirming away again. “You’re never fucking me again if you don’t stop talking about Logan when we’re naked. God, I think you’d rather fuck him than me. Fag.”

* * *

“Logan.” Dick slurs as he rubs his hand over his crotch. “Bet I’m bigger than you and can get off faster too.”

“Dick, I’m not jerking off with you. Quit asking.”

Dick struggles to get off the floor, falling twice before managing to squeeze in next to Logan on the over-sized recliner. “Come on, Logan. We’re high, we’re drunk, Madison’s not fucking me, it’ll be fun.”

Logan’s snore doesn’t register as Dick unzips and starts stroking. He doesn’t notice Beaver coming in the room or running back out when he says “oh yeah, _fuck_ yeah” before coming all over himself.

* * *

Duncan doesn’t knock on the door to Logan’s bedroom, it’s open a crack so he knows he can go inside, but the irritation in Logan’s voice makes him pause. There’s no way he’s getting involved in another fight between Dick and Logan.

“For fuck's sake, Dick, how hard can it be?”

“Come on show me again.”

“I’m not doing this again. If you want it, you’re going to have to get ready without me. I’m tired of wasting my time.”

“Just one more time.”

“Don’t be stingy, you can never use too much. Now rub it in. That’s it, yeah.”

* * *

Veronica wonders why she came to the party without Duncan or Lilly. Everyone is drunk and all she wants to do is go home. She can’t call her dad to pick her up, he’d have to arrest everyone. She wanders from room to room, positive Logan will take her home, if she can find him. She sees Dick and knows Logan can’t be far away.

“It’s not hard, Dick. All you’ve got to do is relax your throat and swallow, like this.” All she can see is Dick’s back and Logan’s head tilted back, mouth open.

She flees the room.

* * *

“I swear I’m telling the truth.” Veronica feels her face flush. “I saw Logan giving Dick a blow job.”

“Honestly, Veronica. Don’t you think I’d know it if my boyfriend was gay?” Lilly rolls her eyes. “Logan likes girls.”

“But Lilly …”

“Veronica, he _loves_ pussy. He loves thinking about it, touching it, eating it, fucking it.” Lilly giggles as Veronica turns even redder. “Although I have to admit, he does like it an awful lot when I lick his ass.”

“God, Lilly, that’s disgusting!” Veronica slaps Lilly on the leg. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

“Why not? It’s true.”

* * *

“Duncan? I need to talk to you ... about Dick and Logan,” Beaver says nervously.

“What about them?”

“I saw something the other night …” Beaver trails off, shifting uncomfortably before hitting pause on the Xbox.

Realizing Beaver's serious, Duncan puts his controller down and turns to face him. “What?”

“They were …” Beaver swallows then blurts it out. “They were jacking off together.” He’s relieved when Duncan doesn’t look shocked.

“I overheard something the other day.”

“What?”

“It sounded like Logan was teaching Dick how to lube himself. But I could be wrong, I didn’t go in to see what they were doing.”

* * *

Lilly can’t get the conversation with Veronica out of her mind. She knows Logan isn’t gay but wonders if he might be bi. She’s sure a totally straight guy wouldn’t have been begging her to finger his ass while she sucked him. “You know what would be lots of fun?”

Logan looks up, frustration written all over his face. “If you didn’t ask questions while I was going down on you?”

Lilly smiles guiding his face back between her legs. “A threesome would be fun. You, me, and Dick?”

“You’re not fucking Dick.”

Lilly smiles, Logan didn’t say he wouldn’t fuck Dick.

* * *

“Lilly?”

“What’s up, Donut?” Lilly looks up from her magazine.

“I need to talk to you.”

Lilly tosses the magazine aside and gestures for Duncan to come in to her room. “Don’t sound so serious, did somebody die?”

“No, but it’s serious.” Duncan says hiding his face in his hands.

“Spit it out.”

“I was talking to Beaver the other day. We’ve noticed some stuff about Dick and Logan.” Duncan doesn’t want to talk about it, but he’s not letting anyone -- even his best friend -- cheat on his sister. “We think they might be gay.” He flinches, expecting Lilly to explode.

“Yeah. Veronica swears she saw Logan giving Dick a blow job.”

“We need to confront them about this. You should break up with him if he’s cheating on you.” Lilly rolls her eyes at his pronouncement and Duncan stomps out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

“I’m really sick and tired of you talking about Logan all the time. God, are you gay for each other?” Madison yells at lunch.

“Babe,” Dick says as he pulls a lock of Madison’s hair. “You know I’m only gay for you.”

“You know, that might have been believable if you weren’t staring at Casey Gant’s ass the entire time.” Lilly says with a sly glance at Madison.

“I am so out of here.” Madison pushes away her food and stands up. “Dick, call me when you get over being gay.”

“God, what is her deal?” Dick grabs Madison’s plate and chows down on the remains of her lunch.

“I don’t think Madison’s wrong. I heard you two the other day.” Duncan says glaring at Logan. “I know you two are fucking.”

“I didn’t just hear you, I _saw_ you.” Veronica admits.

“I saw you too.” Beaver says wincing when Dick punches him.

“You didn’t deny it.” Lilly adds patting Logan’s knee. “It’s okay. I think it could be fun.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Logan asks.

“They’re talking about the fabulous gay affair you and Dick have been having behind my back.” Lilly pokes her bottom lip out and allows Logan to nip it. “I’m so jealous Logan, I can’t believe you’d keep something like that from me, it’d be so much better if you’d let me join in.”

Duncan throws his napkin at Lilly. “Shut up, Lilly.”

“Dude, you’d let me fuck Lilly?”

“You’re not fucking Lilly.” Logan glares at Dick then looks around the table. “What the hell are you talking about anyway? I’m not fucking Dick.”

“I saw you giving Dick a blow job at the party the other night.” Veronica says unable to look him in the eye.

“I didn’t see anything.” Duncan says, glaring at Logan. “But I did overhear you giving him a lesson on how to lube himself.”

“I’m not a fag!” Dick yells.

“What about you, Beav? What’d you see?” Logan calmly asks and takes another bite of his pizza.

“Uh ... I saw you two jerking off.”

Logan throws his head back and laughs. “You guys are so dumb.”

“We were waxing our boards.” Logan says pointing at first Duncan then Veronica. “And I was teaching him how to bong a beer.” Logan looks pointedly at Beaver then Dick. “I never jerked off with Dick.”

“I, uh, might have jerked off the other night after you passed out.” Dick shrugs. “But that doesn’t make me gay!”


End file.
